May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
