It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
jump out the window naked night went bad
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