I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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