Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
