Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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