brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
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Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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