Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
