Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
