i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
