I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize