He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
