I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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