So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
