I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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