so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
