Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
