Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
