i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize