You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
