Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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