it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
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All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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