the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
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I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
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Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?