I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?