i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.