I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
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He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?