I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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