Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
