I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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