Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
