And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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