do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
