College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
