Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
