I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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