Someone shit on the floor
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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