none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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