I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
