I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
