you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
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