she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
