my mouth tastes like poor choices
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
