we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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