ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
