oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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