***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
