We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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