Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
