we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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