My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
