It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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