You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
