just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
