I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
