if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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