its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
