you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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