covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
