I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
