oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
