I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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