I'm eating all of the evidence.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Alive.
So much puke
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
