Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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