My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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