At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
