Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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