I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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