there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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