Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
