i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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