The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
