even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
