nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
time to smoke my breakfast
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
