Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
